In reading the articles for this class I want to bring up the importance of self-protection….
It’s so goddamn frustrating that in our society females must negotiate what feels like a psychological and sometimes physical battlefield of harassment, and must ultimately sacrifice our freedom of expression & behavior to some degree to feel safe (and if we don’t, we’ll probably be blamed for whatever violence/ harassment occurs as a result).
I’m willing to bet that every wommin in our class has had numerous experiences with some form of sexual harassment (and that the men have witnessed some form of it) and not known what to do about it. Whether is is some guy on a bus staring at you inappropriately, someone at a party subtly feeling you up, a stranger on the street catcalling you, the possibilities are endless. I know I’ve had countless experiences where I wanted to, but didn’t, confront the perpetrator. And some in which I have. I’m wondering if y’all have had any empowering experiences with standing up to sexist jerks in these kinds of scenarios. Do y’all know of any go-to verbal remarks to retaliate with? How do you deal with these situations when they happen to you or you witness them happening? How can we protect ourselves & each other proactively? I have a few ideas… but I want to hear yours first.
_kelsey
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I'm blessed to be able to say that I have never had any extremely scary encounters with a sexist male who has non-consensual ideas. That being said, I do carry a small pocket knife for unforseen situations (I ride my bike and walk a lot at night). Many people have made the argument that by carrying a weapon you are potentially putting yourself in more danger because someone could take it away from you and use it on you. All I know is that they would have to take it away first, so that is a moment of opportunity. Also lucky for me I have two loyal dogs to protect me at home, on solo road trips, and camping trips. I realized quite a few years ago that by having them I have been enabled to live a certain lifestyle and still feel safe. Thanks Stanley and Vera!!
ReplyDelete~CompostQueen
honestly, the best knee-jerk reaction i know of is throwing a drink in his/her face...
ReplyDeletethe best response i know is using powerful eye contect and using your volume.just learned this one: 'STOP. DON'T. THIS IS MY SPACE. & repeat. STOP. DON'T. THIS IS MY SPACE." and repeat as necessary.
with language in particular, it's important for these people to understand that beyond violating political consideration, it's really bad manners! the etiquette part sometimes comes in handy for me when i don't feel like being "that feminist". "hey man, that's totally rude and i don't appreciate it" sometimes works better than "hey man, that's totally sexist and i don't appreciate it." depends on the situation.
-addie
Great points.
ReplyDeleteSorry, I probably should know who "Compost Queen" is, but could you identify yourself by name, as those are the expectations of posting in this classroom space (or let me know, in class, if it's your preferred pseudonym)? Sorry, I may have missed where you have identified yourself elsewhere in this blog space. Thanks.
I know, when I was pregnant, and people felt they could come up and put their hands on my belly without my permission, I took to putting my hands on their bellies, as an indicator of how inappropriate unwelcome invasion of one's physical space is. A friend of mine - whose boss sexually harassed her by continually finding an excuse to brush up against/touch her breasts "accidentally" - took matters into her own hands by grabbing his genitalia after one of their encounters.
That said, I'm actually not super-psyched on returning physical violation for physical violation. I prefer language, and I agree with Addie that framing our language and verbal response, based on each context, can help the messaging be heard. Having been surrounded by five men and mugged at knife-point, I'm cautious about advocating someone arming herself (with weapons, pepper spray, etc.). Rather, I've found the strength of one's lungs can be very powerful. I had a terrifying encounter in high school, late-at-night at a bus stop, and when I got home, my step-father spent a half-hour with me, encouraging me to scream as loud as I could and letting me know that I should NEVER be afraid to use that scream to protect myself. I'm glad you've asked for ideas, Kelsey, and I hope others will continue to offer their thoughts. -Jordana